Ferryman's Toll
by BonesBoy15
Summary: The Great War of Remnant ravaged all of the lands, a war of clashing ideals erased most of ancient history from existence. The basics remain, but what if the Brotherhood of the Maidens wasn't the first secret order? The Order that predated them had many secrets, and one is uncovered in the most unlikely ways.


**AN: I know. I know, I know, I know. I fucking** _ **know**_ **. Another? Really? Well, yeah. I do this to clear my head, people. Step on board or get out of line. This ship's setting off.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own** _ **Naruto**_ **or** _ **RWBY**_ **.**

 **Ferryman's Toll**

 **Saddle Up!**

* * *

"Decades before Beacon Academy was even a thought, mere years before the Wizard and the Maidens forged a friendship, there was only The Order. The First Men of Sanus created The Order as a means to have an organized defense force against the Creatures of Grimm. The Order trained only a chosen few, who developed incredible abilities that would later be referred to by the masses as Semblances. Historians later would believe that they set the tone for the first Huntsmen and Huntresses, while also maintaining a civil order within the provinces they resided over. Some theorists, like myself, believe that The Order splintered apart once the identities of The Maidens came to light. Professor Ozpin's own published work, _The Hunters Cometh: Start of a Sect_ , makes references to both The Order and the Four Maidens; with three paragraphs dedicated to the former's influence on his own plans prior to his placement as Headmaster."

A silver-haired man with an emerald scarf watched with a small smile as one of his fourth-year students continued to give a marvelously researched presentation on the organization that was presumed to be a myth. The fact the student used one of his earlier, more idealistic papers was probably an attempt to stay on Ozpin's good side meant that Ozpin would only inform the student of his flattery and keep his grading procedure unbiased. However, the next comment made the headmaster's ears perk up.

"Furthermore, other works from historians like Dr. Fredrick Chase, theorize that before the world fell into the horrors of The War, the last work of The Order was to build a tower on the cliffs overlooking the Kingdom, a beacon for hope, and that Beacon Tower's base was first constructed by them."

Ozpin steepled his fingers and became lost in his thoughts. While it was true that Beacon Tower's construction was started prior to The War, only the basement and the initial support bases had been completed. He made note to go check on Amber again before the day was over, and returned his full attention to the presentation. When the student finished, Ozpin rose and applauded with the rest of the class.

"Thank you, Mr. Grace. That was a fantastic argument on behalf of The Order. I'm sure if the Masters-"

"Maesters, Professor." Mr. Grace, a young man in his later teens, corrected as he sat back down beside his team leader.

"Forgive me. If the Maesters could hear your praise, they would be just as grateful." Ozpin smiled. He clasped his hands together as he stood back at the front of the classroom. "Now, who would like to go next?"

* * *

"You want to conduct a late investigation in the basement based off of a students' research paper? Ozpin, you can't be serious." Glynda Goodwitch was a practical woman, a talented telekinetic and a very good friend, but sometimes Ozpin wished she'd be just a tad more open minded.

"I'm completely serious." Ozpin refuted as he walked with cane in hand down the large halls leading to the staff elevator. "With Qrow's latest report, we need all the advantage over The Enemy we can get. If there _was_ an order that predates our own, I want to know what they might have hidden away."

"And what makes you so sure they've hidden anything away?" Glynda asked sharply as she fell in step with him. Ozpin's smile pulled up a bit farther.

"Because it would be something _I_ would do." The headmaster chimed as he lifted his cane and tapped the call button. Within seconds, the doors opened and both adults stepped in. "If, in any situation, something should happen to me, Glynda-"

"Professor Ozpin!" Glynda protested. She detested this conversation, but it was one Ozpin was determined to have. Now seemed a more appropriate time than any other.

"Glynda, please. It's always possible." Ozpin sighed. "I'm merely _suggesting_ in a hypothetical situation where I am...not capable of performing any of my required duties, just know that I always have a few more tricks up my sleeves."

"This is a highly inappropriate place for this sort of conversation, Ozpin." Glynda huffed as the elevator doors opened and revealed the basement of Beacon Tower.

The grandiose hall greeted them with their brotherhood's sigil plastered on the banners around them. The silence of the hall was broken as Ozpin made his first steps in. His stride was long and filled with determination, Glynda followed close behind, the clacks of their steps echoed in the hall until they came to the large, mechanical abnormality that disrupted the near-pristine stone.

Within the glass dome connected to the machine was a tanned brunette with shoulder-length hair, dressed modestly. There was scarring on the side of her otherwise youthful face, and she looked to be in a state of peaceful slumber.

"Hello, Amber." Ozpin greeted cordially with a small smile before he turned to the left side of the grand hall. He pressed his hands along the wall as he slowly began to examine it. The imperfectly flat surface of stone scraped the tips of his fingers as he moved his hands up and down.

"So, what exactly are we looking for?" Glynda asked as she followed suit. Of course, it was only after she asked that question that Ozpin found a peculiar dip that was perfect for his fingertip to rest on. Curious, he stopped and moved his second finger up just a bit further out of his reach, where another perfect groove sat.

"Something like this." The headmaster mused. He moved his cane to rest under his arm and set his other hand where the current was, moving the first to the last two dips that exceeded his hand's span. "Well, whoever designed this had someone with larger hands in mind."

"Or at least longer fingers." Glynda added.

"Indeed." Ozpin chuckled as he pushed on the block, but not without a bit of struggle. With a grating scrape, the stone receded into the wall. A loud groan emanated from behind the wall and loud, but still muffled, clanks rang out before the portion of the wall to Ozpin's immediate right shifted out and opened up, revealing a room that had somehow eluded detection.

"Ozpin..." Glynda murmured as Ozpin made his way towards the room. The Headmaster waved her off and entered the room with his cane in hand.

As soon as his foot set down on the floor, the few, web-coated torches that lined the hall illuminated with fire. The light of the warm flames revealed a dark tomb, frighteningly similar to the machine that kept Amber stable. However, in the place of glass and steel, was a molded bronze. The lid of the sarcophagus, as Ozpin felt the detailed casket was such, had been shaped into a bipedal figure, but the face was not human. In fact, the face of the lid had canines that were oversized, forcing the lips open into a cruel smile. From the top of the head sprouted two oversized horns, larger than any recorded bull or deer Faunus' protrusions.

"What in the world-?" Glynda murmured in awe.

"I believe we might have found more than we expected." Ozpin mused as his eyes narrowed on the plaque that hung over the chains that wrapped around the sarcophagus. He leaned in and brushed away the dust, revealing carved language unlike the modern script, or even the recovered historical language of Remnant.

"What do you suppose it means?" Glynda asked as she joined Ozpin in examining the letters.

"Possibly a warning against desecration." Ozpin mused. He rubbed his chin and pulled his scroll out. He quickly snapped a photo and stood upright as he returned the scroll to his pocket. He examined the rest of the room. A single table was set beside the sarcophagus, and set on it was a bronze rectangle, small enough to fit in Ozpin's palm. His hand hovered over the device for a moment before his scroll buzzed.

Ozpin retracted his hand and pulled his scroll back out, smiling at the name that awaited him.

"Hello, Doctor Grant. Yes. Yes, sir, I know it has been some time. I just wanted to know if you could decipher the words I'd sent to you," Ozpin said to the excited archeologist on the other end of the line. He pursed his lips together. "Hm, that long you say? Very well. Where did I find it? Oh, you know what students get up to during long boring lectures. Ah, the wonders one can discover when confiscating. I agree, wholeheartedly. Goodbye and thank you, Dr. Grant."

"Dr. Grant?" Glynda asked when Ozpin disconnected the call.

"He's among the top archeologists interested in pre-known history. We met at a council's funding event," Ozpin said, his scroll slid away once more. He returned his attention to the small device set before him. A simple block of bronze left alone was obviously important. But how? Why? Intent on getting answers, Ozpin reached for the bronze and picked it up.

Judging by the way the plaque on the sarcophagus suddenly let out a loud clank as it fell to the floor, Ozpin realized just a moment too late that he probably should've left the block of bronze where it was. The chains followed suit, falling with clanks in a heap around the sarcophagus. Ozpin dropped the block and tightened his grip on his cane, as Glynda did the same with her riding crop, both ready to raise their weapon at a moments notice. Their gaze remained on the coffin as the lid fell forward and crashed to the ground revealing the shadowed interior. Then, a figure began to emerge, and the two teachers tensed.

A hand reached out and grabbed onto the left side's edge. The skin was tanned, heavily so, and marked from the wrist up to the slowly revealed shoulder in the same runic scripture but shaped into spirals along the lean muscle. A booted foot stepped out, followed by the other in a matching piece of the worn, but regal footwear. A royal blue fabric was tucked into the boots and reached up to the golden plated belt that wrapped around the masculine waistline. Next to emerge was a golden chest plate that covered only the masked male's pectorals and upper abdominals, the lower having a partially exposed spiral with more runes extending from it, and carved into it was the visage of some sort of vulpine.

Ozpin narrowed his gaze at the helmeted figure, whose helmet resembled the mask on the sarcophagus. The figure, once he had steadied himself, reached up and grabbed his helmet with one hand. The other hand pointed at Ozpin.

"Wo los hi?" The words were not familiar, nor did they seem like actual words, but Ozpin recognized a familiar question when he heard it. Ozpin coughed into his fist and stepped forward.

"Good afternoon, my name is Professor Ozpin." The figure stared – it was so hard to tell with the helmet over his head – blankly at the headmaster. Then he turned away and walked to the table, grabbing the bronze brick that Ozpin had grabbed earlier.

"Piraak hi zul?" It was at this point that Ozpin was lost. He grimaced and waited until the figure faced him again. He took a firm step forward. "Mindok hi tinvaak!?"

"I...I'm sorry, I don't understand you." Ozpin winced as the man strode up to him and shoved the bronze into his chest. Ozpin was forced to take hold of the bronze brick.

"Mindoraan hi...me!? Oi! Listen to me when I speak, old man!" The helmeted man's deep voice cleared and became less...grated as the dialect switched, almost as if a filter had been added. Ozpin blinked and stared blankly at the tall man, who now sounded like a member of his eldest students. The helmeted figure's blue and orange eyes, an intense blend to be sure, looked not angry as the previous tone and dialect implied, but annoyed and impatient. "Do you understand me?"

"Er, yes? But, how-?" Ozpin was interrupted by a shrug as the tall male pulled two long metal rods from where they hung at his hips.

"I'm not a Maester, old man. I didn't design the damn thing. Now, my brothers sent you here to unleash me for a reason. How many remain in the province?" The man asked as he inspected his supposed weapons. A twist of his right wrist, bare compared to the left's intricate markings, and a long curved blade made of water formed at the end. A similar blade was created in the other hand in the same fashion. The masked man turned away and began to go through a few 'simple' kata, presumably loosening himself from whatever stasis he was in.

"...I'm sorry, your brothers?" Ozpin asked once his mind processed what he presumed was the man's semblance. The man paused, his right arm over his head while the left was outstretched from a swipe against an invisible opponent. Robotically, his head turned to Ozpin.

"Yes...My brothers-in-arms. They did send you to wake me up, didn't they?"

Ozpin pursed his lips. He glanced over at Glynda, who nodded and leveled her riding crop at the man. Ozpin's attention turned back to the man, who had lowered his weapons to his sides. It was faster than Ozpin could observe, and it was only out of years of training, that he managed to block the slice that threatened to take his head.

"Wait-!" Ozpin gasped as he struggled against the masked man's surprising strength, considering his lean figure. The man's eyes shifted into a full furious orange as he pressed both of his water-formed blades into Ozpin's cane, the edges leaving deep grooves in the metal.

"Save your lies! Your silence revealed more to me than whatever words you were preparing!" The man snapped. He twisted in place, his scythes shifting quickly and perfectly into curved hooks that linked around Ozpin's cane. Beacon's headmaster was tossed over the masked man's head at the now empty sarcophagus. Ozpin flipped himself mid-air, but still landed back first into the heavy bronze. He grunted, feeling the blow as if his aura had been depleted.

"Ozpin!" Glynda called out in alarm before she waved her rod at the masked man and ensnared him in her telekinesis. The man was knocked back into the wall of the room, then lifted back up and tossed again.

"Glynda, that's enough!" Ozpin, back on his feet, shouted at the woman before the third throw could be made. He kept a firm grip on the bronze device that allowed him to commune freely with the newcomer, who was quickly getting back to his feet. Ozpin stepped forward without his cane in his hand. "Sir, please! We mean you no harm! Your slumber was disrupted on accident!"

"Accident?!" The man snapped, he pointed at the sarcophagus with his left water-hook. "Do you not read?!"

"...To be fair, I couldn't understand your when you first spoke, only the infliction. You can see that by such logic I would be unable to understand your written language, can't you?" Ozpin asked. The man looked like he was about to refute the claim when his shoulder's sagged.

"...True..." The man lowered his weapons and the water-forged blades were absorbed back into the rods. He reattached the poles onto his hips and crossed his arms over his chest as his eyes cooled back down to their unique shades. "Very well, old man. I'll hear out your reasoning, but if I sense any lies, I won't hesitate to cut you and your wife down. You can count on it."

"First of all, we're coworkers, not married." Ozpin cut in curtly. He hated it when people made that assumption. He was a perfectly healthy bachelor and far more than happy with that.

"Is there anyway that we can have this conversation in a proper manner?" Glynda suddenly asked. "Or would you prefer if I left you two to have your own conversation?"

"Ah, this... talisman only works for one person, the activator, I presume?" Ozpin asked, looking from the bronze item in his hand to the masked man. The man stared back at him and then pointed at his helmeted head, right where his face would be if it were revealed.

"Not. A. Maester."

"Right." Ozpin coughed uncomfortably and looked around. "Though, I must concur with Glynda. Perhaps we should relocate to somewhere more accommodating..."

"No." The masked man denied flatly. His eyes narrowed. "For all I know, this is a tactic to be used to ensnare me under your thumb. I refuse to move from this place until I'm given a damn good reason to."

"That's...fair, I suppose." Ozpin sighed. He rested his hands over the top of his cane, the talisman firmly in his grasp. "Might I at least request you remove your helm? As a show of goodwill?"

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt," the man said begrudgingly. He lifted his hands to his helm, but paused. "Wait, before I do. What year is it?"

"Well...It's been eighty years after the Vytal Treaty was signed and The War ended-" Ozpin began.

"Which war?"

Ozpin blinked. "The War."

"Yes. Which one?" The man asked insistently.

"We've...only had the one Great War." Ozpin explained slowly. "In fact, most of Remnant's history was lost in it. I only just heard stories of your Order's possible influence on the tower today...from a student of mine."

"...By the Nine of the Tenth..." The man slumped back against the wall. He rested his hand on his head. "You...You've only had one...How long did it last?!"

"Er...We're not entirely sure." Ozpin admitted.

"Dear Gods...One War...erased history." The man pulled his helmet off and the sight that rested beneath it shocked both teachers.

It was a youth, no older than their _first years_ , that stood before them. He had shaggy blond hair, matted to his head from the sweat that accumulated in his helmet, but what really astounded them were the runic ink on the boy's face. There were three lines of varying runes that were on either of his cheeks and resembled whisker marks of a cat or fox.

"How long do you think the War lasted?" the boy asked, breaking Ozpin from his shock.

"I...I wish I could say. Some believe it was only a decade, others believe it lasted a century, perhaps more. We know it was mostly fought for the right of individuals to be who they are," Ozpin said. "But there were other factors in play."

The boy rubbed his face and let his helmet drop from his hand to the ground.

"If what you say is true," he began, "then my brothers and I were never awoken. Our purpose was to prevent anything of the sort from happening. We failed the Grand Maester..."

"...What would you do, now that you know this and are awake?" Ozpin asked after he gave the teen a moment to process the information he'd just learned. The boy let out a sigh and propped his head up, a bitter little smile on his face.

"Well, the responsible thing to do would be to go back into the sarcophagus...But without a Maester's instructions, I wouldn't know how. I don't even know if going back under is even a possibility," the boy said with a sigh as he got back to his feet. He stretched his arms over his head and muffled a yelp at the sound of a loud crack. He rubbed the base of his crown with a grimace. "Old man, how many years does it take to give you a crick in the neck?"

"I pray I never have to answer that question," Ozpin said with a smile. The youth laughed, a rich joyful sound that contrasted with his, until now, serious demeanor. His eyes bled from the mixture of two contrasts to a rich ocean blue as he got back to his feet. A sigh escaped the young man as a smile spread across his face.

"You know something, Old Man, you're not so bad." He said. He offered his hand. "Name's Naruto. Naruto of the Uzumaki."

"A pleasure, but I'll have you know that I'm barely past my thirties," Ozpin said dryly after he shook hands.

"Yeah, and the Nine of the Tenth have ordered the extermination of an entire race," Naruto said with a snort as he pulled his hand back. Ozpin frowned in confusion.

"The Nine of the Tenth?" he asked. The blond teen's amusement fell.

"...You...You're kidding, right?" Naruto asked. The silence Ozpin gave was more than enough of an answer and the blond clasped a hand over his face. "I need to go to Uzuoshi Isle."

"Uzuoshi?"

"...I...We need to go talk about this someplace where I can sit down." Naruto said with an anxious laugh. Ozpin nodded in agreement and explained the plan to Glynda, before he led the two blondes out of the room and towards his office. All the while he noticed that the younge-olde-Naruto kept his hands firmly on the handles of his weapons. That only made Ozpin more curious about these 'Nine of the Tenth'.

* * *

"So you worship evil deities?" Ozpin repeated once Naruto finished explaining what the Nine of the Tenth were. Needless to say, the Nine of the Tenth were nine immortal beings that were created from the destruction of the Tenth Tailed Beast, something figured to be the father of all Grimm. Naruto told the story, all while tracing along his left arm, which was apparently the story in the world's lost tongue.

It was because they were apparently speaking in said tongue that Glynda had made herself scarce, preferring to grade some final papers instead of having Ozpin repeat everything he said twice, even if the headmaster was more than willing to do so. Oh, well, it was her loss.

"They're not _evil_ , per say, just more inclined to intrude on mortal lives." Naruto corrected. He grinned. "Hell, my village thought that my mom was the daughter of the strongest of the Nine, Kure Amah."

"I...See." Ozpin mused as he took a sip from his tea, and then set the mug back down. "So then, Naruto of the Uzumaki, what is it you need to do for these...gods?"

"Probably offer them a few cows, maybe a yak." Naruto mused. He rubbed his chin and a small grin spread across his face. "I might even have to find a virgin to give up. I'm sure there's bound to be a few around here, right?"

"...That's not funny." Ozpin deadpanned.

"I disagree," Naruto said with a wide grin. He chuckled to himself and interlocked his hands behind his head. "To be honest with you, Ozpin, I don't know. I won't know until I go to the shrine...if it's still there."

"And if it isn't?" Ozpin asked. Naruto's eyes regained a hint of orange.

"I'm going back to sleep."

"That bad?"

"I'm not planning on waking up."

"Surely, you can't be serious."

"Dead serious," Naruto said. He then quirked a smile as the orange dimmed away, back to the cool blue. "And don't call me Shirley."

"I'll try and withhold myself from doing so." Ozpin returned, his own smile widening slightly. He sighed and glanced at the untouched drink. "You're not thirsty?"

"No. Not exactly a problem for me." Naruto then covered his stomach after it let out a loud, ferocious roar on par with that of an Ancient Grimm's. "Food, on the other hand...Know any good noodle chefs?"

"I could make a quick run out to grab something," Ozpin said with a wide-eyed blink. He'd not ever heard anyone's stomach rumble so loudly before. Ozpin was rather certain that such a thing was physically implausible.

"Could you? That'd be fantastic. I'll take six bowls of miso ramen, eight of pork, maybe _one_ vegetable, and a dozen chicken." Naruto listed off with a grin. He blinked when Ozpin stared at him with eyes the size of saucers. "What? I've been entombed for only the Gods know how long! I'm _hungry_!"

"Yes, but...that's...quite the receipt I'll have to explain." Ozpin struggled to get out while he processed the order.

Naruto shrugged and reached down to pull something from his boot. A small bag was dropped onto the headmaster's desk and spilled out to reveal several small glimmering objects. Ozpin blinked and picked one of the small gems up to examine.

"Is this a...?"

"Don't tell me pearls are no longer acceptable currency," Naruto groaned. He pulled out a few other bags of the same size. Ozpin stared at the objects and looked at Naruto questionably. The blonde arched a brow and tapped on his golden chest plate. "What? Do you think this came cheap? I had to scour through most of the coast's mollusks for its cost, and these are the leftovers."

"...I...will be back shortly. Is there anything else you require?" Ozpin asked as he gathered the pearls and made note to create a savings account for the young man and explain the value of lien to him. With the age value along with the natural source of the pearl, even a blind man could see that the mineral was the genuine article or an impressively well done fake, he was liable to match in wealth with most of Mistral's upper class, if not with the Schnee heiress that currently attended his school.

Naruto rubbed his chin in thought and snapped his fingers as his eyes gleamed.

"Leather, some quartz stone, a sewing kit and a satchel of lead!"

Were he not currently suffering from shock, Ozpin would've worried about the look in the young man's dual-colored eyes. As it were, Ozpin simply filed the request away and tucked the bags into his pocket.

"Please feel free to use the staff room down the hall to sleep in if the need requires and don't leave the tower without Glynda. I will return shortly," the headmaster said while he strolled out of the room, his cane left forgotten at the side of his chair.

"Pruzah Wundunne!" Naruto waved the man off with a carefree smile on his face. He propped his feet up on Ozpin's desk and folded his hands behind his head. Why bother moving when food would be coming shortly?

* * *

One hour later, Naruto was making a sphere of water change shape in the palm of his hand. From sphere to star, to cube, to a strangely specific palm-sized battlefield full of small figures in gore-focused combat. Naruto groaned and crushed the liquid in his hand, which splashed around the floor.

What was taking Ozpin? Was it really so hard to obtain food in this time? Then again, Ozpin implied that Naruto's order was...unnatural. However, that wasn't really anything new. Naruto's brow furrowed in thought and he laid back on the floor while the water droplets that surrounded him was absorbed into his right metal stave.

 _Eighty years since The Great War that erased history, a war that could've started the day after I was sealed away, or a hundred, maybe a thousand years afterwards._ Naruto mused. He scowled and rolled his legs up over his head before he kipped up to his feet silently. Naruto crossed his arms and began to pace the headmaster's office. _The Order is gone, now a forgotten myth, and in its place are children at school for...hunting Grimm? Is this_ sport _to them?! A challenge of boasting?! The people need to be protected from the Grimm threat!_

Granted, that's what Ozpin implied these proposed Huntsmen and Huntresses did. However, the Grimm were only a threat when they moved into settlements, they left traders alone. Most of the time, but so long as you respected them and Remnant, they would in turn respect you and leave you be. At least, that was what The Order did, and it worked for the most part. However, the times and thoughts of those changed. Grimm attacks were far more frequent.

On top of keeping a lid on the Grimm Threat, The Order attempted to lessen struggle to survive with massive deadly diseases, culture clashes between wandering tribes, and the unforgiving environments across Remnant. The spread of disease was always a worry, but a way of maintaining balance. Life was finite, as were supplies, so dedicating all minds to the prolonging of life would only lead to more suffering...

Or at least, that's what the Grand Maester implied. It was hard to take the prophetic old man seriously...until Naruto awoke, that is. As it was, he was the most against the idea of being separated, scattered and sealed away from his brothers-in-arms. His family. They fought, bled, cried, and laughed together for so long, it was hard to imagine being without them.

 _Yet, here I am._ Naruto thought bitterly. He stared out at the _fractured_ moon – which, by the way, was another thing to discuss with Ozpin upon his return. _By Amah's Tails, how did that even happen!? What, did someone_ attack _the moon?! Why?! Wait, better question: HOW!?_

The door opened and Naruto turned to voice these questions. Only, the one that walked in was not Ozpin. It was a tall man, matching Naruto in height, with a broad build. He was dressed in pristine white, with neatly combed black hair and a metal bar over his right eye. The two males held confused gazes before they pointed at the other.

"Who are you/Wo los hi?"

* * *

 **AN: Yeah, I ended it there. Next time, a Mexican stand-off between the hotheaded foreigner and General Might-Is-Right (I want to like the guy, really I do, but he doesn't think things through. He's not a good general. To paraphrase from Mr. Sark: "He's Not My General!**

 **And as for the old world language, I took inspiration from the game that has been occupying most of my free time over the past month and a half. Yeah, I've been livin' like it's 11/11/11 on the xbone. FUS RO DAH, FTW! I am working on other stories, its just that this has been a brain baby in the works and it needed to go.**

 **Anyway, hm, how to segue into this next part? Oh! I know! A poem: As to what this pairing will be, I do hope you'll enjoy this Omake, written entirely by me (with assistance from E4E).**

* * *

 **(Sort-of canon) OMAKE: Pairing Pop Hour!**

"What-? Where am I? How did I get here?! ...Why is it so dark?!" Naruto wailed from the small space he found himself in. Again. Why was _he_ always the one crammed into dark spaces against his will? At this rate, he might soon develop a phobia.

"Shut up, new meat," A voice from the outside called in. "You're on TV, don't cry! ...Unless you look good while doing so, then keep it up! Or look bad. Actually, just keep crying."

"What!? Who's that?!" Naruto asked as he knocked furiously on the wall of his confines.

"Ah, star-struck. It's okay, I understand." There was a muffled gathering of laughter that made a knot form in Naruto's stomach. The darkness was suddenly lifted and bright lights that surpassed the SUN's intensity blared into Naruto's eyes. "I'm your host, Grey Feather, and this is Pairing Pop Hour!"

"...This is what?" Naruto repeated while rubbing at his eyes. "What's a pairing?! I don't understand and, more importantly, I can't _see_!"

"Aw, blinded by the thought of romance! That's so beautiful," Grey Feather said. Naruto turned to him and looked away again, cursing under his breath by the blinding bright light being reflected off of the fair-skinned, white-haired man's jacket. What made the whole thing worse was that it was orange material. The Nine are as cruel as they are benevolent.

"More like the lights are so bright even the sun feels envious," Naruto said sourly as he rubbed the last of the colorful spots from his gaze. He glared sourly at the grinning man.

"Come, come, my friend, you do know the rules of the show don't you? Can't you be just a tad excited for the audience?" Grey Feather asked, gesturing off stage at the cheering crowd that sat across from them. Naruto blinked and his shoulders slumped at the sheer mass of people, Human and Faunus, man and woman alike.

 _Damn my desire to be adored, it is a curse more than a blessing!_ He thought darkly before he clapped a hand over his face and sighed. "No, I'm not familiar with it. Explain it to me."

"Alright, well, we've already introduced your three potential girls to the crowd," Grey Feather said, which earned a loud cheer from the audience. The host elbowed Naruto in the side. "You lucky dog."

"Are you insulting me?" Naruto asked, his eyes narrowed.

"Maybe. Guess we'll have to wait and see." Grey Feather shrugged. "Any-butt, you're going to ask the three fair ladies three questions, and the one you like the most will join you in an adventure full of action, humor and sexually-active romance!"

The crowd cheered again and a few catcalls came out. One even coming from the nearest side of the wall that obscured the three choices from the blond warrior.

"So...this is a form of entertainment...where people watch one person choose out of three potentials...a suitable match?" Naruto asked slowly.

"Right on the nose, big guy." Gray Feather grinned.

"...That's...I have no words..." Naruto muttered, confused and lost to the concept as to how one individual choosing a potential member of the opposite sex to court. He rubbed his head. "My head hurts."

"Which brings us to the first question!" Grey Feather exclaimed. He pulled out a set of cards and put them in Naruto's hand. "Here ya go, sport. Choose one."

"Uh, right..." Naruto blinked and looked down at the cards. He blanched and looked at the host. "You can't possibly-?"

"I can and you will." Grey Feather snapped his fingers and a plethora of red dots appeared on Naruto's form. The host gained a smug smirk and crossed his arms. "I'd like to see you to heal from _this_."

"...Fair point. Hello, uh, er, ladies?" Naruto looked at the card and sighed. "It's a clear calm night, neither of us have work and we're bored. What do you suggest we do?"

"Contestant Number One, you're up!" Grey Feather chirped.

"Yes! That's _me_!" The excitable voice that came from the other side surprised Naruto. "Alright, hot stuff, we're going to be making breakfast."

"...Breakfast?" Naruto asked, a brow arched. "What, like waffles?"

" _NO!_ " Contestant Number One denied vehemently. "Those are inferior and pale in comparison to the hot cake glory that awaits us after we spend the night raiding dungeons!"

"...Dungeons?"

"Yeah! We'll tag off with _Aged Tomes 5: Cloudring_ , but once that magic hour hits, we're jumping to the steamy _Conquest of Dominion_ for some inspiration for the after-dark exercises."

Naruto's eyebrows had disappeared into his hairline and his eyes were wide. Now, he might not know what _Aged Tomes_ or _Conquest of Dominion_ were, but he was pretty quick to catch onto what she was implying. As could the audience, if the collective "Woo-OOO-ooo" was anything to go by.

"Whoa-ho-ho! You're aiming to make the FCC crack down a bit harder on us, Contestant Number One!" Grey Feather laughed. "Contestant Number Two, same question!"

"Well," began Contestant Number Two with a confidant smile that could be heard in her voice. "While Number One's night sounds a bit limiting. She's not far off from what I'd think we should do. I'll keep it simple: the TV and video games are off the table, but kitchen fun _isn't_."

"...So do you want waffles?" Naruto asked, confused.

"If that's what you like. I've got only one question for you big boy: how many rounds does your gun carry? Because mama loves repeat performers."

A louder, even more enthused "Woo-OOO-ooo" came from the audience while Naruto's jaw dropped. Since when were women so... _forward_? Don't get Naruto wrong, he wasn't complaining, per say, but it was so different! He shook himself from his shock and looked at the host, who was grinning like a madman.

"My, aren't _you_ the lucky one?" Grey Feather asked. He cleared his throat. "Contestant Number Three!"

"Do I have to do this?" The tired, almost uninterested contestant asked. A part of Naruto felt relieved, but a small part of his pride took a hit at being brushed off. It wasn't _that_ bad, was it? He was being forced to do this, too!

"Bla-Contestant Number Three! Come on, we all signed up for this! It's in the contract!" Contestant Number One argued. Naruto arched a brow. Point to the faceless Contestant Number One.

"Fine." Contestant Number Three sighed. "I don't know, we could ...read...together?"

"Wow...That's so...tame." Contestant Number Two mused in disappointment. "I expected better from you."

"That...actually doesn't sound so bad," Naruto said with a tilt of his head. He could catch up with what happened in the world and maybe find some clues about where his brothers-in-arms were.

"You heard it here folks! Point goes to Contestant Number Three!" Grey Feather declared, getting some polite applause while the girls and Naruto cried out "Wait, what?!" in unison. Grey Feather ignored them and turned to the nearest camera. "We'll be right back after this commercial break. Don't go away!"

* * *

 **To Be Continued...**

 **REVIEW!**


End file.
